The most common response to my claim that love is a decision, is "That sure takes all the fun out of it." A decision sounds calculated and measured, the idea of a decision doesn't appear to leave room for romance, fate and all the other magical and mysterious things that we associate with love. I say it certainly does, because love is a decision we are completely unequipped to make for ourselves. We are all way too narrow minded, self-centered, and generally clueless to make a logical decision about love. Nevertheless we all make these decisions and therein lies the mystery, the romantic leap into the unknown. We choose to love people for a wide assortment of reasons, all of them are temporal. Whether its looks, wealth, humour, intelligence all of these things change over a lifetime but we make a lifetime decision based on them. I think the truth is the decision to devote and to trust are the only things that have a legitimate chance of surviving a lifetime, all the other things are fuel for the decision and over a lifetime love can use a lot of different fuels. In my opinion, looks, sense of humour, excitement, good sex, children, and comfort, are perfectly valid and natural evolutions for fuels for love over a lifetime, as long as regardless of the ebbs and flows of the fuel, the decision to devote and trust remain. Even as I re-read that last sentence I think that even the strength of that commitment will undoubtedly vary through a lifetime but that doesn't mean that love is not there, the decision to love has to be re-made daily.
I think personally of the mystery of the decision, I dated Ahmeda (my wife) for almost 4 years and never made the decision to really love her until we had been broken apart for almost seven months, on a flight home from a debaucherous trip to Iceland. About seven weeks later we negotiated our reunion over the phone. I was in a hotel in La Paz, Bolivia. I always tell her that the elevation may have impaired my judgment at the time. Seven weeks after that we went on a trip to Turkey and I proposed to her with my Engineering ring. Which I replaced with something more fitting by the end of the trip. Despite the tale I tell of planning out a perfect engagement in a city that straddles two continents for a marriage that would do the same, I didn't know if I was going to go through with it just moments before the words came out of my mouth. I was so unsure I hadn't told anyone my family or hers that I had any intention to propose, in case I changed my mind. My indecision had nothing to do with the sincerity of my love for Ahmeda, it was entirely about the enormity of the decision. There was so much I didn't know about what the future would hold, how could I make such a life changing decision. Then I realized I could never know the future, and I could never create a more perfect moment. That's the real lover's leap (big up J.A.)
Video from Turkey, no footage of me on one knee but you do see me bending over backwards again.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Love is a Decision
Love is an abused topic, we are inundated daily by messages about love. The question of what is love is usually answered by what it is not, or passed off as a feeling that comes and goes like sunny weather in Vancouver. My experience has led me to the belief that love is a decision. A decision, whether conscious or subconscious, somewhere in us a decision is made to devote ourselves to another person. If we are lucky that person (object of devotion), will make the decision to love us back. When they don't it gets really messy, but that's a whole other discussion.
In that decision we strip away all of our protections and make ourselves completely vulnerable, at the same time we raise up walls around the ones we love and commit to protect them "against all enemies foreign and domestic" to quote the US Marines. Odd quote but it fits, we fight not only the obvious outside forces, but behind our love built walls we are own worst enemies and it is a constant battle not to hurt each other. No one on earth can hurt you more than the one you love.
The decision of love is not a destination, its a commitment to a process or choice to travel a path. Protections don't fall off and new walls aren't instantaneously erected these are things we constantly work towards. Walls around old cities like Rome and Jerusalem were constantly under repair even when the cities were not under attack, maintenance of the walls was constant. The same goes for people in love. The protections from each other also have to be maintained they are like weeds that need to be constantly cut away. The decision in love must be constantly renewed in the same way the work of love constantly applies pressure.
Back to the idea of domestic enemies in love, "No one on earth can hurt you more than the one you love." The reason love must be a decision, is because the domestic battle has nothing to do with your partner, its completely internal. You have to decide not to hurt that person and live in trust that as you stand defenseless they will decide not to hurt you. That is not natural, defend and attack are natural/reflexive reactions, to truly devote and trust you have to decide to do that. I think too often we attack the ones we love about the things they do that hurt us not realizing we are just escalating the domestic battle.
This idea really hit home last Saturday when Ahmeda and I started at each other about things around the house. We have moved into our new-old house and things are not the way we hoped they would be and we discovered it might be a really long time before things get better. Ahmeda was quite expressive of her displeasure and I responded by getting very defensive about the situation, by mid morning we weren't talking to each other at all storming around the house like caged beasts. In a moment of divine clarity it occurred to us that the situation was external, both of us were not happy with the situation and that displeasure and defense had to remain external. We were together in a tough situation and we need to tackle it together and really have to consciously work not bring outside problems between us.
As I write this I am realizing love is two decisions, to devote and to trust. Love is a decision to bend over backwards for someone and trust that they will be their to catch you.
I think this is going to have to be a to be continued post, like everything in live its a process.
Speaking of bending over backwards (I just like this video, apparently it was aired on the style network again last week):
For those of you reading on Facebook I attach videos to every post but you can only see them on blogger.
In that decision we strip away all of our protections and make ourselves completely vulnerable, at the same time we raise up walls around the ones we love and commit to protect them "against all enemies foreign and domestic" to quote the US Marines. Odd quote but it fits, we fight not only the obvious outside forces, but behind our love built walls we are own worst enemies and it is a constant battle not to hurt each other. No one on earth can hurt you more than the one you love.
The decision of love is not a destination, its a commitment to a process or choice to travel a path. Protections don't fall off and new walls aren't instantaneously erected these are things we constantly work towards. Walls around old cities like Rome and Jerusalem were constantly under repair even when the cities were not under attack, maintenance of the walls was constant. The same goes for people in love. The protections from each other also have to be maintained they are like weeds that need to be constantly cut away. The decision in love must be constantly renewed in the same way the work of love constantly applies pressure.
Back to the idea of domestic enemies in love, "No one on earth can hurt you more than the one you love." The reason love must be a decision, is because the domestic battle has nothing to do with your partner, its completely internal. You have to decide not to hurt that person and live in trust that as you stand defenseless they will decide not to hurt you. That is not natural, defend and attack are natural/reflexive reactions, to truly devote and trust you have to decide to do that. I think too often we attack the ones we love about the things they do that hurt us not realizing we are just escalating the domestic battle.
This idea really hit home last Saturday when Ahmeda and I started at each other about things around the house. We have moved into our new-old house and things are not the way we hoped they would be and we discovered it might be a really long time before things get better. Ahmeda was quite expressive of her displeasure and I responded by getting very defensive about the situation, by mid morning we weren't talking to each other at all storming around the house like caged beasts. In a moment of divine clarity it occurred to us that the situation was external, both of us were not happy with the situation and that displeasure and defense had to remain external. We were together in a tough situation and we need to tackle it together and really have to consciously work not bring outside problems between us.
As I write this I am realizing love is two decisions, to devote and to trust. Love is a decision to bend over backwards for someone and trust that they will be their to catch you.
I think this is going to have to be a to be continued post, like everything in live its a process.
Speaking of bending over backwards (I just like this video, apparently it was aired on the style network again last week):
For those of you reading on Facebook I attach videos to every post but you can only see them on blogger.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
New Obsession Lumix DMC-GH1
After being underwhelmed by the iphone update my gadget obsession has gone in another direction, photo and film. I think I have found a digital SLR made for me, the Panasonic Lumix DMC-GH1.
I have loved taking photos all of my life but lately out of what can only be described as camera envy, my shot taking has been on dramatic decline. As the picture taking public moved to Digital SLRs I was left behind with a point and shoot the Lumix LX2, a great camera but sadly out matched when it comes to taking shots of people and intimate shots. In the meantime I have invested in video, enjoying the editing and the end product more than my pictures. I use a Sony HDR-SR8, it shoots wide angle 1080i HD, has 100gb of memory, records 5.1 digital sound, and takes 6 megapixel pictures, I love it.
Now, with the advent of DSLRs that captured video it appeared that my worlds were about to collide in a magnificent way. However, I have always had a problem with DSLRs they are big, really big, and most times when I want to carry a camera I am walking through some village where the idea of running water is a laughable concept. I just can't handle dragging a big lowepro bag filled with lenses for convenience and security reasons. Another problem is video on DSLRs is usually just a novelty, there is no autofocus and the frame rates on many of them are too slow, until now.
The Lumix GH1 is very compact so are the lenses, more importantly it has continuous auto focus and records in stereo. The lens that it ship with is fantastic from 28mm very wide angle to 280mm 10x optical zoom. So I don't need to carry around many lenses, I might want the super wide angle lens that goes from 14m to 28mm so I can do those fish eye shots. So its convenient camera and it is smart on its own so it will make my shots look good.
Apparently it will begin selling in Canada this month, expect it in my home shortly there after. Now I can stop borrowing my dads Nikon D200.
Ahmeda asked if my getting a new camera means I will give her my point and shoot (Lumix LX2), considering I will have 3 cameras at that point. The answer, no. I don't love my point and shoot any less. Its pocket size, takes great pics and I use it for my timelapse stuff. Hopefully, she'll be happy with the camera on the iphone.
Meanwhile, our new arrival will be centre stage for a whole new level of Daddy's photo and film.
Example of what the Lumix GH1 can do:
Product hands on video:
Jed's Time lapse from Brasil travels February 2009, shot with my Lumix FX2 point and shoot.
Now I just need to find the money for it.
I have loved taking photos all of my life but lately out of what can only be described as camera envy, my shot taking has been on dramatic decline. As the picture taking public moved to Digital SLRs I was left behind with a point and shoot the Lumix LX2, a great camera but sadly out matched when it comes to taking shots of people and intimate shots. In the meantime I have invested in video, enjoying the editing and the end product more than my pictures. I use a Sony HDR-SR8, it shoots wide angle 1080i HD, has 100gb of memory, records 5.1 digital sound, and takes 6 megapixel pictures, I love it.
Now, with the advent of DSLRs that captured video it appeared that my worlds were about to collide in a magnificent way. However, I have always had a problem with DSLRs they are big, really big, and most times when I want to carry a camera I am walking through some village where the idea of running water is a laughable concept. I just can't handle dragging a big lowepro bag filled with lenses for convenience and security reasons. Another problem is video on DSLRs is usually just a novelty, there is no autofocus and the frame rates on many of them are too slow, until now.
The Lumix GH1 is very compact so are the lenses, more importantly it has continuous auto focus and records in stereo. The lens that it ship with is fantastic from 28mm very wide angle to 280mm 10x optical zoom. So I don't need to carry around many lenses, I might want the super wide angle lens that goes from 14m to 28mm so I can do those fish eye shots. So its convenient camera and it is smart on its own so it will make my shots look good.
Apparently it will begin selling in Canada this month, expect it in my home shortly there after. Now I can stop borrowing my dads Nikon D200.
Ahmeda asked if my getting a new camera means I will give her my point and shoot (Lumix LX2), considering I will have 3 cameras at that point. The answer, no. I don't love my point and shoot any less. Its pocket size, takes great pics and I use it for my timelapse stuff. Hopefully, she'll be happy with the camera on the iphone.
Meanwhile, our new arrival will be centre stage for a whole new level of Daddy's photo and film.
Example of what the Lumix GH1 can do:
Product hands on video:
Jed's Time lapse from Brasil travels February 2009, shot with my Lumix FX2 point and shoot.
Now I just need to find the money for it.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
"I can think, I can wait, I can fast" Siddartha
I got into an argument with my "new-old" neighbour (long story) over noise last night. Ahmeda, my sister and myself were enjoying dinner, oxtail, caliloo and couscous (we live well), listening to Adriana Evans self titled album. When I get a call questioning the volume of my stereo. Anyone familiar with Adriana Evans would understand how ridiculous the complaint was. What ensued I won't go into detail about, but I was faced with was a question of necessary force.
When is it right to escalate or retaliate?
Is there a solution in overt confrontation?
Or is solution even the goal, sometimes force can be used to relocate the conflict, take it away from home and bring it to your enemy? (The US fallback story for Iraq after WMDs never showed up)
The cerebral guy that I am went to sleep contemplating, Muhammad Ali's defeat of George Foreman in Kinshasa, Sun Tzu's Art of War and the word's of King Solomon (AKA Jeddidiah).
I woke up with a Sunday School Verse in mind that I looked up this morning. Isaiah 30:15 "...In quietness and confidence shall be your strength...", Mindblowing stuff really. The sentiment was echoed in the book Siddartha, when the main character was asked what skills he possessed he answered simply, "I can think, I can wait, I can fast."
I ran into my neighbour this morning taking out the garbage, I invited him to go out for a drink sometime, he accepted.
If this is vague to those reading, get used to it, I am writing for me. Hit me up for drink too if you care to understand.
When is it right to escalate or retaliate?
Is there a solution in overt confrontation?
Or is solution even the goal, sometimes force can be used to relocate the conflict, take it away from home and bring it to your enemy? (The US fallback story for Iraq after WMDs never showed up)
The cerebral guy that I am went to sleep contemplating, Muhammad Ali's defeat of George Foreman in Kinshasa, Sun Tzu's Art of War and the word's of King Solomon (AKA Jeddidiah).
I woke up with a Sunday School Verse in mind that I looked up this morning. Isaiah 30:15 "...In quietness and confidence shall be your strength...", Mindblowing stuff really. The sentiment was echoed in the book Siddartha, when the main character was asked what skills he possessed he answered simply, "I can think, I can wait, I can fast."
I ran into my neighbour this morning taking out the garbage, I invited him to go out for a drink sometime, he accepted.
If this is vague to those reading, get used to it, I am writing for me. Hit me up for drink too if you care to understand.
Monday, June 8, 2009
There is a lady named Janice who has been blushing for about 33yrs
Had to Share This: Adult Content
Lyrics to Marvin Gaye's "Soon I'll Be Loving You Again" 1976
Dreamed of you this morning,
Then came the dawn and ,
I thought that you were here with me,
If you could only see how much I loved you,
You'd wanna trust me
Oh in my dreams I was loving you
Every place that you wanted me to
Since I've been having dreams and fantasies baby
I'd like to make love to you right here baby
hooo, I got this real strong need that loves you everywhere
I won't stop until I find your passion flowing like wine
Baby, baby please let me do it to you
I never gave head before
but there's always the first you know
So I made up my mind soon I'll be loving you
That's all nasty head, I made up my mind
Soon I'll be loving,girl I know where I'm gonna drink
I can't wait to touch you
give you that feeling
eat you up my dear
so that your mood will be revealing
Baby,and soon as I go back out your way
I want give you some head baby
I'm a knock you right up woman
I want to give you some head suga
I'll know what to do
I want to give you some head
ah you'll be my woman
I love to it,give it cause I know just what to do with it
Ah I'm gonna give the ultimate love baby the ultimate love baby
Don't you know I can handle you
So soon so soon I'll be loving you ah Janice
I have been listening to this song for awhile but I only just now understood what the man was saying. That's pretty explicit and very to the point. The guy explains the lead up to the thought, devises his plan, details the mechanics and names his target.
There is a lady named Janice out there who has been blushing for about 33years.
This song was never released as a single I am guessing radio wasn't ready for it in 1976. That said, the songs is just nice content aside.
Here's a question, is society more morally bankrupt than we were 30yrs ago, or is the real bankruptcy style. If an artist were to do this today, there might be a reference to rims or spoken sound effects in auto-tune.
Lyrics to Marvin Gaye's "Soon I'll Be Loving You Again" 1976
Dreamed of you this morning,
Then came the dawn and ,
I thought that you were here with me,
If you could only see how much I loved you,
You'd wanna trust me
Oh in my dreams I was loving you
Every place that you wanted me to
Since I've been having dreams and fantasies baby
I'd like to make love to you right here baby
hooo, I got this real strong need that loves you everywhere
I won't stop until I find your passion flowing like wine
Baby, baby please let me do it to you
I never gave head before
but there's always the first you know
So I made up my mind soon I'll be loving you
That's all nasty head, I made up my mind
Soon I'll be loving,girl I know where I'm gonna drink
I can't wait to touch you
give you that feeling
eat you up my dear
so that your mood will be revealing
Baby,and soon as I go back out your way
I want give you some head baby
I'm a knock you right up woman
I want to give you some head suga
I'll know what to do
I want to give you some head
ah you'll be my woman
I love to it,give it cause I know just what to do with it
Ah I'm gonna give the ultimate love baby the ultimate love baby
Don't you know I can handle you
So soon so soon I'll be loving you ah Janice
I have been listening to this song for awhile but I only just now understood what the man was saying. That's pretty explicit and very to the point. The guy explains the lead up to the thought, devises his plan, details the mechanics and names his target.
There is a lady named Janice out there who has been blushing for about 33years.
This song was never released as a single I am guessing radio wasn't ready for it in 1976. That said, the songs is just nice content aside.
Here's a question, is society more morally bankrupt than we were 30yrs ago, or is the real bankruptcy style. If an artist were to do this today, there might be a reference to rims or spoken sound effects in auto-tune.
Apple developer conference today, They better add something special to the iphone
I am a self confessed Gadget whore and a Mac aficionado for the past 5 plus years, that said I do not have an Iphone. I might be the last person on the planet with out one, I carry a blackberry curve and an ipod touch. They weigh down my pockets screaming for convergence. I think I am ready to join the throng of iphoners but I am waiting for the next update. That might be today. However, it may be a dud of an update, where the only change is it comes in more fashionable colours or something sillier like adding coverflow for addresses. The update I really want is never going to come and that is a slide out keyboard in landscape mode. I may stay a Berry boy after all, Go Canada.
http://theappleblog.com/2009/06/08/outside-wwdc-2009/
http://theappleblog.com/2009/06/08/outside-wwdc-2009/
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